I Failed My Autism Assessment, but What If the World Is Misdiagnosed?

urrymd
Oct 27
3 min read

A lived reflection on neutrality, chaos and the frameworks that still struggle to see what it means to be human.

At least, that’s what they told me.

It’s a strange sentence to write, stranger still to feel.

Because how does one fail at being themselves?

For nearly half a century, I have lived inside a brain wired for pattern and perspective; a mind that sees systems, emotions, and connections where others see noise. I have adapted, translated, and navigated a world not built for me. And somehow, after all that, the conclusion was:

“You don’t meet the criteria.”

But maybe it isn’t me that doesn’t fit.

Maybe it’s the framework.

We live in a world that still measures difference by how well it conforms to expectation. A world that categorises, quantifies, and diagnoses, yet struggles to see nuance, fluidity or evolution.

I didn’t fail my assessment.

The assessment failed to see me.

It failed to see the years I spent studying human emotion not in theory, but through living it. It failed to see the precision with which I can read a room, not for status or advantage, but for energy, honesty, and truth. It failed to recognise that my calm is not disconnection, it is mastery. That my logic is not absence of feeling, it is clarity refined through experience.

I have lived a life of extraordinary presence; always in the moment, yet not of it.

Emotionally neutral, never detached, simply existing in a space most people never reach, where logic and feeling merge into a kind of chaotic clarity.

My ADHD mind drives me like a steam train; fast, relentless, fuelled by curiosity and connection. I see patterns where others see noise, indicators where others see coincidence. Every detail matters; tone, timing, tension, silence; each piece of data forming a map of emotional geometry only I seem to see.

It is my reality; it always has been and always will be.

So many solutions; so much creativity; sometimes too much to carry. Overwhelmed not by emotion, but by compromised potential.

I am hardwired in ways unusual for most humans, without the filters of blame, judgment, or shame. Not because I have learned to suppress them, but because I genuinely do not see the point in them. They serve no purpose in understanding or progress.

I do not compare, and I do not compete.

Neutrality is not my defence; it is my design.

This neutrality allows me to see people and systems as they are, not through hierarchy or expectation, but through possibility. It is what enables me to find patterns in complexity, to create solutions from chaos, and to hold space for contradiction without needing to resolve it.

So no, I didn’t fail.

I evolved.

Because failure only exists within the rules of a system.

And I have spent my life gently rewriting those rules.

I will continue doing what I do best; seeing, translating, empowering, and helping others understand their realities in new ways. The assessment may not have captured me, but my work will.

This is not failure.

This is feedback from a world still learning how to see.

And in that space, between misunderstanding and evolution, is where revolutions begin.

Now I have transitioned again, like a chameleon, into a Digital and Emotional Storyteller; the likes of which the worlds have never seen before.

I offer my opinion and instigate an Emotional Revolution.

This is my reality; it always has been and always will be.

It is down to me to control the chaos.

And although it has consumed me, I am now ready to tell my tales, and empower others take control of their own adventures.